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Comfortably In Love

Happiness is waking up in the middle of the night, and feeling the heat of the person next to you.
You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent, and vulnerable state
They breathe as though the weight of the world lays on anyone’s shoulder but their own.
You smile and kiss their face in the most gentle manner so as not to wake them.
You turn back around and an involuntary smile forms on your face.
You then feel an arm wrap around your waist, and in that moment you know, it doesn’t get any better
Than to be comfortably in love.

Epiphany

Sometimes you just have to erase the messages, delete the numbers, and move on. You don’t have to forget who that person was to you; only accept they aren’t that person anymore…

A Thought

Take a chance and never let go.
Risk everything, lose nothing.
Don’t worry about anything anymore.
Cry in the rain and speak up loud.
Say what you want and love who you want.
Be yourself and not what people want to see.
Never blame anyone if you get hurt,
Because you took the risk and you decided who and what was worth while. 

Realization

But then I realized that I was holding onto something that didn’t exist anymore. That the person I missed didn’t exist anymore. People change. The things we like and dislike change. And we can wish they wouldn’t all day long, but that never works. Things change, people change, promises are broken, lies are told, hearts are shattered, friendships end, tears fall, and things no matter how much it seems like it does, it never stays the same. 

There once was…

Her eyes seem to tell a story her lips will never dare tell. They are so full of contradictions that I don’t know what to believe. I can’t tell whether she is good or evil. I have no clue whether she is more like the hero, or more like the coward after all. I don’t know if she knows herself completely or not at all. All I can tell for sure is that her eyes tell a story her lips will never dare tell. 

Utter Freedom

And then there are those rare moments in which everything doesn’t seem all that bad anymore. Moments in which everything fades away and all that is left is this deep sense of hope. The sense that everything is possible, that everything is still open, because you are still oh so very young. It is raining. She is dressed like it is a beautiful sunny day. Just a few seconds ago she might have been burdened with worries, pressure, anxieties and stress. But that was a few seconds ago. The world looks different now. Now she feels nothing but utter freedom. The thing about moments is, however, that they pass. So before long everything will go back to its old gloomy self, the worries will come back, so will the fears. The world will once again be a scary place, full of things that can and will go wrong. The world will once again be a place where she will never feel at home

A Free Bitch Baby (Not written by me)

The best day of her life was the day she realized it is more than okay not to fit in. It is okay to be different, to be a rebel, to stand out. To be the misfit, the odd one out, the loner. To be the quiet one in the back, the one who spends Friday night alone, reading a book, because that is what you enjoy doing most. It is okay to be the one who makes unique choices. The day she realized it is okay not to be someone else, but herself instead, was the day that saved her. The moment she realized trying to fit in so hard did nothing for her, but cramp her style, freed her. High school was hell. For years she thought there was definitely something terribly wrong with her, because she was bullied, ridiculed, misunderstood. Then finally she realized there is not much wrong with her. It is wrong to bully, to ridicule, to judge for no reason. There was something wrong with those people. Why want to fit in with people like that? Ever since she realized all this, her life has been truly worth living. Her life is authentic, weirdly unique. Most people don’t understand her choices, her way of life. She does things differently, and it is quite obviously working for her. Continue to be marvelously outrageous, darling.

Breaking Free

Behind her strong, calm exterior and her well faked smile, all her unexpressed, negative emotions and feelings are fighting to get out. The chaos inside runs her life. Her sorrow, her self-loathing, her torment, her loneliness, her disappointment, her envy, her frustration, her helplessness, her anxiety, her grief, her guilt, they are all fighting to be released into the world. One day they will break free, 

Collision

Within her emotions collided. Her fear clashed with her ambition, with her will to live, with her dreams and goals. Her depression crashed into her joy, into her hope. And now she is scared. What if her fear wins? “What will become of me then? My God, what will become of me then?” But nothing has been decided yet, the struggle is still going on. There seems to be no end to the insecurity of not knowing what she will feel next. Each moment can bring her either happiness or panic, fear or peace, hopelessness or joy. She feels each new moment brings the possibility of her falling apart permanently. Maybe that’s what she feels most of all, weakness. A lack of power, a lack of control, a lack of strength

Lying to forget

The lies become a part of me
for years I’ve played this game
acting like it doesn’t matter
each time I hear his name
Ignoring what’s inside of me
pretending I’ve moved on
as if the feelings I once had
for him are somehow gone
Spending each and every day
with happiness and laughs
forgetting all the memories
avoiding all the photographs
But last night  I saw him
for the first time since he left
my heart stopped for a moment
I couldn’t catch my breath
when suddenly it hit me
as the tears started to flow
that even after all this time
I just couldn’t let him go

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